meet the committee: seven animals, zero qualifications

Toronto has a lot of committees. Ours is the only one where the minutes are just snacks.

Seven animals share this studio. They pick the sets, argue about rings, and sign off on every sticker sheet. None of them are qualified. All of them are essential. In order of who showed up to the meeting:

gary — raccoon, snack department

gary runs the snack department with alarming seriousness. He rates patios, hoards oat bars, and has never once returned a coffee cup on time. The little crown doodle above his head? He wears it like he earned it. He did not. Every committee needs one member who treats cold brew as a personality — gary volunteered.

hazel — squirrel, provisions

hazel bakes like winter is a personal rival, which in this city it is. She keeps a mug in each paw, flour in alarming quantities, and an opinion about your scone technique that she will keep to herself, mostly. When a set needs comfort, hazel is the vote that decides it.

brant — goose, announcements

brant has the only outdoor voice in the building and uses it exclusively for good news and geese business. He is a seasonal commuter and a year-round committee member, which he will tell you is not a contradiction. If your set arrives early, that was brant — being early on principle.

mort — moose, quality & umbrellas

mort is tall enough to see the big picture and polite enough not to mention it. He carries the pink tote, reads two books at once, and hands you an umbrella before you know it's raining. Quality control is technically his job; quiet kindness is the actual output.

bernard — bear, accounts

bernard wears the suit so the rest of us don't have to. He can say "fine" in six different temperatures, balances the ledger to the cent, and is — this is on the record — the softest one here. Anything maple passes his review automatically.

roux — lynx, taste

roux says about four words a week and every one of them lands. The green jacket is vintage. The satchel is classified. When the committee can't decide between two rings, everyone just looks at roux — and then it's decided.

chuck — beaver, site inspector

chuck builds, fixes, and inspects. He owns one traffic cone (ceremonial) and files site reports nobody asked for and everybody reads. Lunch is at 11:15, load-bearing straps get checked twice, and every box design has passed his inspection. Twice.

They each have a page now, which they are all pretending not to care about.

meet them properly →